Wednesday, October 08, 2008

When You've Had A Crabby Day, And Mars Bar Cheesecake

The locker room was full. It was the peak of the working out hours, and the air was redolent with sweat and body odour. Even the powerful deodorants with their promise of 24 hour protection fail to mask the stench. The sauna was fairly empty, as I made a cursory nod to the fellow inside, and asked if he minded if I poured water on to the hot coals.

Sitting in a lukewarm sauna is like eating toast with margarine. Pointless. A guy enters the fray, wearing a T shirt and underwear, (at this point, I wonder what the female locker room saunas are like) and stands in the middle of the room. Do men without washboard abs actually think they should be preening like peacocks in a sauna? He strips his shirt, and uses it to lapik his ass, and takes a seat on the hot wooden boards. He looks downs at the numerous folds in his belly, and pinches them, as if hoping it was but a dream. He then flexes his imaginary biceps, and actually feels them with his hairy claws.....


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I think to myself, another splash of water into the furnace ought to do it, and finish him off.....


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Ah, check out that lovely roe. Omigoodness, what was she doing in the male sauna room?!!!

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Tis the season to be crabby, tralalalala. ..... That reminds me, on the first day raya, we receive a "shipment" of live hairy crabs, (relatives of hairy berry perhaps?), so I quickly call Queen of Crabs for advice on the best method of cooking these flers. I tell you, if I was on my dying breath, and hoping for QOC to be my saviour by answering the phone call, I'd be deader than those crabs by now. She SUBSEQUENTLY called back, hours later, by which time, the crabs had met their untimely demise, using common sense...

But these crabs were not from 1st day raya, they were from Tuesday Family Dinner. Even my offer to make a scallop and pesto pizza were rejected, coz of the abundance of food.


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Apart from the Hairy variety, we also had their non-hairy cousins, (must be chinese), all just lightly steamed. The regular cook at home has returned home for the Raya holidays, and the temp cook's repertoire is a bit more limited, hence the plain steamed option. Which suits me fine.

Also, my office colleague had given us the most divine lemang. Apparently slow cooked on a wood fire. Not just ANY wood, but the wood of a Hairy Berry (Rambutan) tree. It was truly not like any of the commercial lemang you get. The rice was nice and chewy, without being soggy.

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That was accompanied by the most amazing chicken rendang. Bursting with flavour, herbs and spices, it was a marriage made in culinary heaven.

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To end the simple Tuesday night family dinner, I had prepared an experimental Baked Mars Bar Cheese Cake, which if I may say so myself, was the perfect end to the crabby meal. ...or any meal for that matter. Mars Bars on its own are too sickeningly sweet, but with barely any added sugar, and all that cheese, it imparted a lovely chocolatey, caramelly, salty flavour all in one bite.

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Yes, it is available for order. RM65 only.

[Note: Sadly, there were crabs killed and harmed during the production of this blog]
[All resemblance to living, dead or half living people, especially in Fitness First, is completely coincidental]

30 comments:

Bangsar-bAbE said...

OMG...the roe! *drools* The cake looks mighty yummy. ;D

CUMI & CIKI said...

hahahahaha... nothing to turn a crabby day around like reading ur post :D love the crabs?! so.. didja just go for plain ole steam crabs?

"Joe" who is constantly craving said...

hahah wat kinda of disclaimer was that???? for QoC isit?

GFAD said...

So what do you wear to the sauna ah? :D

Mars bar cheesecake looks good!

Looking at your crabs, I kept thinking of AVP (Alien vs Predator)..

FBB said...

gfad, i just wrap myself with a towel la...letting them man boobs hang loose.

nipples, no la, the sauna part was actually something that happened yesterday.

ciki, no, echerlly i went for both the hairy and non hairy ones...i'm a hairy crab virgin actually....1st day raya was my first time trying....

bangsar babe,...bangsar, do you know how near we are to each other!!! muahhahaah...

Henry Yeo said...

done the meme, somehow the sauna leadup seems to have fallen flat to me.

wonder how delighted hairy berry will be with his numerous reference?

Precious Pea said...

Sorry la..this QOC here also well-known for not picking up her phone. Actually no matter how i put the volume high also i can't hear. DUnno i deaf or time to change the phone.

Precious Pea said...

Btw, i remember now. It has got nothing to do with my phone. I was singing my lungs out at karaoke when you called.

Christy said...

Hahaha...nice disclaimer!:D
And yet another pretty cake from FBB;)

Life for Beginners said...

Hairy berry tree? Now I'm gonna have to call him 'Rambutan' the next time I see him, haha.

Now, regarding your sauna tale, I know exactly what you mean! What's with those guys wearing T-shirts or swimming trunks and the like? One day someone's gonna turn up in a pair of goggles, I betcha... and little else. :P

As for the ladies locker room, my female instructor pals tell me some of the lasses are prone to walk around starkers and let it all hang out. I guess Malaysians aren't such prudes after all, eh?

(Well, Malaysian women anyway.)

Bangsar-bAbE said...

fbb, ahahaha I know! We've met before - I ordered cakes from you too. And they're yummmyyyy! ;)

FBB said...

ooh, bangsar babe, really ah? now i am curious!

LFB, aiya, the flers banner oridi got black & white rambutan mah....now only it dawned on you that hairy berry is rambutan ah? actually, fortunately few men just prance around the locker room starkers in malaysia....(oh, actually in lake club men's room, they do, all these geriatric uncles....i am suddenly reminded why i joined the gym)

christy, awww, so nice of you. hey, the christy who ordered a cake from me yesterday wasn't you right?

precious pea, what can i say....just when i needed you most...

henry, there is no leadup...i was merely narrating my experience in the gym on tuesday....

Argus Lou said...

The chicks in the women's sauna at the fitness place here are mostly totally nekkid sitting on their towels, if you really want to know. Some 'pak chum gai', some 'hairy below-bellies' (ahem).

Wah... that Mars Bar cake is too yummy! You the man!

Nic (KHKL) said...

people actually wear t-shirts in saunas??? my gawd! back in japan, i remember only bringing in a face towel to wipe the sweat and to cover 'meme'.

woah, i guess being hairy is kinda cool hor? can be associated with the delicios crab and useful woody. hehe...

i've heard of fried mars bars but a mars bars cheesecake is a first for me! woah, even the base oso mars bars ar? knowing u, i'm sure the cakes are made of the finest of ingredients. delicioussssssssss by fbb.

"Joe" who is constantly craving said...

actually i was referring to the crabs being killed disclaimer la..its so OPPOSITE of what a disclaimer shud b..

i wonder if you will attract crab anti-cruelty club..

fatboybakes said...

nipples, haha, yes yes,that was definitely for the benefit of QoC. Read her post on pulau ketam, and how her subjects bow down to her...

hairy, hahaha, useful woody indeedy!! it imparts a lovely fragrance to the lemang i hear...
re the mars bar cheesecake, actually i've been selling the chilled version for years now. i decided to try a baked one. both are good. the base is still biscuit la...but there's a lot of mars bars floating just above it...

argus, are they firm pak chum kai or lou kai? next time you come i make for you the mars bar cake ja.

babe_kl said...

thank you fbb! you never failed to lighten up my boring afternoons :P

Precious Pea said...

Eh...what is so cruel about killing crab?? It require skill you know. Haha! I wonder if that is one of the skills highly sought in Aust.

fatboybakes said...

Precious, that's what I like, a ruthless ruler with an iron fist, who have no qualms about CRUSHING her subjects!!! Long live the Queen!

Babe, awww, how sweet of you to say that!!! thanks.

Lyrical Lemongrass said...

I'm having a crabby week. I think I deserve mars bar cheesecake for a week, calories be damned.

Argus Lou said...

Mostly reasonably firm as they are hardly any 'lou kai bo' at the gym. Why ah?
Lyrical sweetie, we NEVER count calories, remember?

Paprika said...

Hilarious as always. You are as funny as you are talented. Ah, feel free to bring a slice over since you work so close by. :-) I've seen my mum, literally, butcher crabs. If your aim is as shitty as mine, the poor crab is going to die a slow and painful death. I figured if I ever cooked them, I'd toss them in the freezer first. They go to sleep right? Right??

Paprika said...

p.s/ I think women are a bit more shy in the sauna. Most of us are wrapped in a towel while there are some who wear their bathing suits!

fatboybakes said...

paps, haha, i dunno it you were being sarky...if that remark was from AWOL, it've been dismissed immediately as vitriolic sarcasm. (You are as funny as you are talented). yeah, according the that Lebanese chef, Kylie Kwong, freezing them (lobsters actually) is the humane way to go.

yeah, i cant imagine our modest malaysian women all letting everything hang loose.

argus, guffaw....too much imagery.

AWOL, you know the number to call and order.

Paprika said...

I wasn't being sarky lahhhhh. I was polishing your apples(!), or was it shoes? Anyway, I love reading your posts! Is that more obviously sincere?? Or sincerely obvious even. Now about that cake...

fatboybakes said...

awww, paps, hugs...
when you gonna post about india?

PureGlutton said...

Hilarious post :-))
The Mars Bar cheesecake looks delish... baked eh? Looks very richly cheesy!

Paprika said...

posted already lah uncle

xin said...

oh dear, the roes are O_O!!! it's been so so so long since i had a crap loaded with roes!

Anonymous said...

Hihi, Interesting crab you have there. Mind if I ask where can we buy the original Hairy crab in KL as I always wanted to taste it but have no restaurant money to taste it. Hehe.. Mind email to my email @ inuyashalovekagome@gmail.com.

Thanks mate and have a nice day. \(^^)/