My Life As A Centrefold

I always knew I was destined for greatness and fame. Everynight, I stare out the window of my aircond-less room, waiting to see the wishing star....so that I might say, Star Light, Star Bright, First Star I See Tonight, I wish I may I wish I might.... how did it go? Gepetto wanted Pinocchio to be a real boy, .... but all I asked for was FAME, I WANNA LIVE FOREVER..... [breaking out into an unsightly flashdance like dance]....Oooh, what a feeling...

So, you know when you have arrived, when early in the morning, a friend sms-es you, and says, "Chef FBB, (PHWAHLLAAAAHMAK, don't play play, CHEF sum more), can I order a carton of butterscotch suprise"....
Although I don't recall ever making butterscotch surprise, or any other butterscotch relations, I accepted the fact that somehow, the world had come to recognise me. Who cares how! [Breaking into song again, WHEN YOU WISH UPON A STAR, MAKES NO DEEEFFRENCE WHO YOU ARE, ANYTHING YOUR HEART DESIRES WILL CUMMMM TOOOO YOUUUUU]

Then, suddenly, as if through a sudden epiphany, and flash of the lightbulb, I remembered where I had come across butterscotch. It was at that New Zealand Ice Cream baking workshop. Which meant he must have seen me in the papers.

I hop and skip into the office, happy as a lark, the way an unemployed thespian may skip around after landing a major role in Grey's Anatomy, ..... and quickly flip through the two english dailies, Star and NST. Sometimes, it's hard to find articles there. So I sms my friend and ask, eh, where did you see the article?

He replies: "Kosmo, malay tabloid"

KOSMO? Aiyo, where to finddddddd la......this is Bangsar lar fren.....

Anyway, who cares what paper I appear in right, as long as its the papers. (okay, maybe I dont want to appear in certain SECTIONS of the paper, namely the back pages, with an outdated passport picture beneath the captions, "Gone home to the Lord"...)

And I get YET ANOTHER sms from another friend, who also saw the article. By this time, my curiosity is piqued, so I prod a bit more. And my friend says, "Yup, your grinning face is in the centrefold". ME, A CENTREFOLD. Woo HOOOOOOO!!!!

That night, at a party, I proudly tell my friends, hey, I'm a centrefold in Kosmo you know.
"Cosmopolitan"?, they reply. "Err, no, Kosmo, with a K.... the Malay tabloid"....
Suffice to say, I did NOT get the celebrity greetings and rush for autographs I was expecting.

Anyway, friend no 2 very kindly offered to send me the article.

So drumroollll, here it is, ..................sandwiched between a full page ad of modern style tudungs,


.....and an article on KEHAMILAN TERANCANG, (Planned Pregnancies), ............

TA DAH, our wonderful New Zealand Natural Ice Cream Baking Workshop!!!!!